Power Over vs. Power To/With

May 25, 2022

Okay, I want to offer a different approach to the conversation about the heavy & tragic activity occurring in our country right now… because we’re obviously not getting anywhere quickly. Particularly if you are a follower of Jesus, as I am, I want to give you a new lens to start seeing things through because I have found it to be a really important revelation for my own perspective.

Maybe a year or so ago I learned something new about power. Brene Brown* explained the 3 different types of power - power over, power to, & power with. In power to and power with, power automatically expands. Those who offer it do not experience a lack-of as a result of giving. This is also how the dynamics of love work. To give love is to experience it more fully. There is an infinite supply that is constantly renewed.

Power over, however, is something that must be constantly maintained. There is almost an immediate lack that occurs and a need for more in order to maintain it. Because of this, there is a subtle, yet strong current of fear that grows beneath it. I've seen this reveal itself in several ways in my own healing and growth, but I also see it in the following ways within our culture, and I think recognizing this might truly be the key to understanding our greatest issues as Americans.

There is a large sector of our population who believes that the only form of power is power over. One of the places I have witnessed it personally is in the belief among many of the men in my life that in order to be a "man," you need to assert that power, control, and domination over one another; and particularly women and children. That to do so is obvious self-preservation. Our very nature as a species seems to support this as "the strongest survives."

Here's where I'm going to shift gears, though, and what I have to say is for individuals from both "sides" to utilize as we grapple for ways to shift the tides. Many Christians were raised to think of God - the Creator of everything we know - as a controlling dictator, instead of a lover who gives us free will.** If you believe that Jesus came to free us from sin, then I want you to consider how he modeled his love for us. Throughout the gospels he rebuked fear, rejection, and power over. In the very act of his crucifixion/murder he refused to dominate. He showed us the power of love as something you give, and there are no examples of him praising power over another.

Y'all this is the most beautiful and central part of who and what God is. Here's the thing, though. It's really scary to let go of control when you haven't been shown the power of love. That peace surpasses understanding, and until you experience it, the concept literally doesn't make sense.

Now, I want you to take those thoughts and look around you. Where do we see "power over" operating among us? The need to control? Do you see why men feel desperate to be in position "over" women; to show that they can maintain a level of submission from their wives, daughters, and even women of the general public? How condescending comments from one man to another can turn into "you're not a man if you can't have/control a woman," which can then turn into the need to prove that - all the way to the point of becoming a sexual predator? Do you see how the desperate need for power over (by both men AND women) rears it's head in voter suppression? The need for more money, and control over who has it? The need for gun rights to protect one's powerful position?

Here's the hard part for me, though. As firmly as I believe (and have seen) that love and power to/with is the only solution, unless people begin experiencing it on an enormously large scale, this ship is not going to turn around. Those of us who understand the concepts of power to and with have only one hope - to try to rapidly increase the volume to which we give it out, so that more people experience it and believe in its reality. If we don't take every opportunity to renounce power over - in any and every form - and simultaneously work to create connections of expansive love in our daily existence, we will not see change.

With all of that in mind, I've decided to take this approach toward power over: If someone is exerting power over another - especially over a person's body or health - /in an effort to maintain their own control or power over/, I will vote against it and do what I can to denounce that approach; even if it would benefit me, or support my personal beliefs and preferences. (This does not apply to the laws that support the safety and well-being of the general population. i.e. traffic laws & health laws - I see those as power to/with). When it comes to power to and with, I am going to increase my efforts by connecting with people in the spirit of love. I will choose to expand my circle, my perspective, my understanding, & my space with the goal of expanding power to more of our population.

This will require me to relentlessly pursue two things simultaneously: I must increase awareness of what is going on in politics, our financial systems, law making, and law enforcing so that I can vote responsibly and hold those in positions of power accountable. I must also pull myself out of my comfort zone and push into my community in ways I have not. I must seek chances to share burdens, by forgoing more superficial interactions and pressing into people's lives in deeper understanding. I have to give love in radical ways to expand love in radical ways. Many, many, many people are doing this... but almost all of us can do it more, and we're going to have to.

I've linked two things below, and my third reference is me saying this: Christians, read the gospels and humble yourself while you observe the radical approach Jesus took. Look for how he modeled power to and with. The only thing he called us to control is ourselves. If you want to know more about Brene Brown*, she is a social scientist and researcher who studies vulnerability and shame. What she has unearthed in her work is enormously important in understanding ourselves and our culture, and it can change your life significantly. There is a mountain of her work available in the form of books, videos, and podcasts - I've linked to her recent two-part podcast interview with Father Richard Rohr** below that is a wonderful place to start. If you have thoughts, questions, or desire for clarification from me, email me at response@emilygaiser.com .

The last thing I'm going to say is, not only do I believe that my God is not a God of control, but one of free-will, I believe that He is a God of unity and not division. This means that I will continue to call all of us out of our corners to meet in the middle. My friends, we like our corners & we feel a constant need to define them. Be brave and leave yours.

I believe that our Creator speaks in countless languages of the heart, and that that domain is His and His alone. That belief pushes me to focus on being the light that I am commanded to be - not the fixer of lives or souls. I am called to love, and speak truth to fear, not dictate the journey of another.

I also believe that to have faith is to believe in what we don't know. If your faith is easy to define, then you might need to consider that it's certainty - not faith. Stop defining God and restricting how He works. Have faith that He is doing good work in people, and that your job is to be a light along the path they are walking. Their path is not yours, and that is by design.

Let's start recognizing power over, and find ways to shift to the infinite and expansive power of to and with right now. Speak love to fear. Be a light in the dark. Let go of your desire to control another person and begin helping others see the infinite potential in that. We don't need to dictate another person's decisions about their bodies. We don't need guns to feel powerful. We don't need to remove access to voting to keep our personal choices available. We can live together better than that. We have to.

* BreneBrown.com

** https://open.spotify.com/episode/60j9urMuyE7CB6pSw76mOs?si=oUzzXgxqRWaYg2GShGqOqg

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3s1XJzWz1gSIZwpBC8NgUd?si=AnmD9mU-R0CfV26adzFv_g