October 12, ‘20 post on FB
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Straight talk about the organized Church, longer tables, and off-road faith - from a queer Christian
Written by Emily Gaiser
on February 21, 2020
Yesterday was Coming Out day.
My coming out story happened in 2001, & it’s not a fun story.
Instead of sharing it, I thought I would finally share something that I wrote earlier this year.
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Straight talk about the organized Church, longer tables, and off-road faith - from a queer Christian
/February 21, 2020/
Okay, let's just get this out of the way right here at the beginning. My name is Emily Gaiser and I'm a 42 year old woman who is as equally attracted to individuals who are male as I am to those who are female. I strive daily to be as much like Jesus as I can. I haven't always tried, & I fall short every single time I do; but my homosexuality has nothing to do with that. Not one time has it been the reason I failed in my attempt. It's no more a factor than the color of my eyes could be. This is who I am, and I was made in the image of God. All I care about is that I try as hard as I know how to love myself and others, with the goal of glorifying God while I do it. I will keep falling short of that goal because I am human, but not because I'm bisexual.
Not that it even matters, because Jesus died so that I can live freely in his mercy and grace instead of enslaved by the laws of sin and death. Because I acknowledge His act of love for me, I have been granted eternal access to the kingdom of God; and in the meantime I get to have a POWERFUL relationship with Emmanuel - God with us. And - I'm making a generalization here - He uses me to reach the people that you can't.
Not that you aren't capable of reaching those people, but unless you're willing to leave your shiny castle on your hill - the fortress that you built using rules & laws as bricks - you will never reach the world outside its gates. Let’s just get honest here... you all look like a bunch of ninnies keeping your faith in glass cases to keep it safe. Up there grounded within your thick walls of specifications defining what a true Christian can and cannot be. You keep your robes and sandals clean by keeping tight regulations on who else can be considered one of you. As if you're asking people to dress correctly and wipe their feet before coming into your home. And then you build longer tables and wonder why no one comes.
Christ left the very presence of God and stepped down into our ridiculous little world as a human embryo. He left the glorious kingdom of his Father - a place so insanely incredible that we have NO WAY of imagining it's awesomeness - He left there, to come here and walk around with the very people you avoid having conversations with. The very people you are fearful of having relationships with because you're scared you'll be sucked in by their sin and loose your salvation. News flash, folks. God's not scared of sin. Jesus commanded us to be out there living with these people and loving them. That is what he did when he came here. That is absolutely everything he taught as he lived his human life among our vile existence. He lived with the very people you can't bring yourself to seek out. He sat at THEIR table first, then sent a return invitation to host them at His. He showed us exactly how to do it.
I don't know about you, but I want to have relationships with the people I love. Think about that. If you're not even open to having relationships with people who aren't like you, then you most certainly are not loving them. It is 100% possible for you to value people who have a different perspective than you, and you can absolutely learn how to be a better person from someone who believes differently than you. We can love others simply by getting to know them without any other agenda. We can love them by not trying to fix them - we can leave that part completely up to God because He is the only one capable of that, and He never told us to anyway.
Fellow believers, our attempts to sin less should not be about preserving our salvation. Our attempts to sin less should be about becoming more like the man who gave us that salvation. That's the focus. That's how we glorify God. That's how we thank Him for the price He paid. When we protect our wellbeing with our do-goodness we send the message that a) we think we are better than we are - and they're calling bullshit, and b) the only ones who should try to sit at our longer tables are the ones who are willing to hide the fact that they fuck up, and submit to the belief that we are better than them and they should want to be like us. I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you, but that's missing the mark with a lot of people and will continue to do so.
That's what you're doing when you define the type of person who can be considered a true Christian. Our works do not qualify us to be a Christian. Our skin-tone does not qualify us to be a Christian. Whether we worship God by dancing in the aisles, or by pressing our forehead into the floor, or sitting in a chair listening quietly to the music, we all get to spend eternity doing it. There are infinite ways of living a life that glorifies the God of all creation. We don't get to decide who does it and how it looks. And we're not supposed to worry about it either.
I need you to believe that you can find an invaluable friendship with a drag queen. She can teach you about bravery and supporting each other. She can teach you to give yourself permission to be the child of God that you were specifically made to be. To shine in the things that make you amazing. To hold joy in your heart while you live in the freedom of expression. Those are the things of God, and I learned them by being friends with beautiful drag queens who loved me.
The world needs you to believe that a homeless woman & ex-con fighting her chronic addiction to heroine and methamphetamines can teach you how to take care of people you don't even like very much. Because she knows that they are human and believes that we're called to serve each other. You can watch as she values truth, and fairness, and the common good. You can marvel at her strength and her willingness to take responsibility for where she is, instead of making up excuses or crying victim. Those are the things of God, and I learn them by watching my friend who is an ex-convict struggling to fight her addiction to meth while experiencing the "wild west" that is homelessness; and I admire and respect her with all my heart.
God needs you to see that two of the most Christ-like people I know consider themselves atheists. I have LITERALLY learned how to see, and love, and help, and fight for other humans by coming alongside them while they do it. Those are the things of God, and I learned them from men who cannot seem to see how God even exists, because they are eyeball-deep in some of the worst things this world can hold, while they ask people over and over again what they can do to help them make it through another day.
If we'd all just sit down and shut up and see people as people, and hear them with the intent to understand them... If we would believe for one minute that we don't know everything, and that we don't have to... If we would stop trying to jockey for position and just walk arm in arm, and help each other out in this thing we call life... We would position ourselves to learn. We would get to see that we're all in this together, and we can stop trying to out-do one another. We could be free and our burdens would become light. We could love ourselves, and we could find a way to love others, just as we are commanded.
I spent the first 22 years of my life in the organization called the church. It was there that I learned about the God who made me and how to have a relationship with Him, and I am immensely grateful for those 22 years. But it was after I left the organized church almost as many years ago that I learned to be like His Son. I learned how to love by being among the people you're trying to figure out how to reach & convert. So let me give you one more piece of advice. Trust in your salvation. Have faith and do not fear. Love yourself as you are - no exceptions. Then dismantle your castle. You'll find that your salvation has off-road tires and all-wheel drive. Every stain on your robes will come clean again. Leave the map at home, because the God of pillars of smoke and fire, and mystical stars will guide you flawlessly. HE GOES WITH YOU. Just keep your eyes on Him. You don't need the castle with the glass case. You don't have to fix anyone. You just need to make yourself at home with the ones you are called to love.
Y'all, I really do strive to be as much like Jesus as I can each and every day. I might be a back-alley Christian, but I am who I am, and I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. All that matters is that I try as hard as I know how to love myself and others, with the goal of glorifying Him while I do it. I will keep falling short because I am human. But I will keep getting up and trying again, because I believe that others can still learn how to be more like Jesus from a bisexual woman who is willing to do life alongside them. Those are the things of God, and to Him be the glory. Because homosexuality has nothing to do with it. Amen.